Have you ever stopped to consider that we are all the sum of parts that various others have given us? I think we can all point to a person and realize that we have gained a feature, an attribute, an attitude, an outlook, a habit or a way of being from them. For myself, I have been reflecting today on the major influences in my life that have made me who I am. Some are obvious. My mother and father clearly had a large influence on me as did other family members. Some are not so obvious and may even surprise you. I'd like to take a few minutes and list a few people who gave of themselves to me as a sort of thank you to them as we approach a new year.

My father taught me that no matter what happens to you or what crosses you have to bear, you can rise above it all to become a better person. You can make changes in your life at any age, in any economic climate, no matter what is handed you with or without support and create a good life. He also taught me that being who you are is not only OK, it is imperative to true happiness.

My mother taught me forgiveness. I may never know the true circumstances surrounding why she left me as a child but I realize now it doesn't matter. She loves me and that is enough. She showed me that it is OK to make a mistake if you truly repent and try and fix it. If you can't fix it, it is enough to demonstrate that you will never make the same mistake again. Forgiveness brings peace. I thank her for being patient with me until I discovered that.

My ex-wife Tina taught me that family is everything. No matter what you do or where you go in life, to have family is to be wealthy beyond measure. She also taught me to lead with an open heart in my dealings with others. She showed me acceptance and trust and provided me with security, comfort and support and that has pushed me to provide the same to others. She showed me it was OK to love babies of all kinds and that everyone is worth something. She gave me an example of what a loving step-parent should be and I have tried to emulate her example in that regard as well.

My friend Andrew taught me faith. Faith in others and faith in a higher power. We don't share the same higher power per se' but his example made it OK for me to be open to faith in a higher power and that has helped me through a lot of struggles. His ability to be patient and loving with others and his efforts to include friends from years past in his life has given me an example to follow. He has shown me how a man should be and I can only hope to be 1/2 the person he is.

His partner (and my friend) Lynn taught me acceptance. Acceptance of who I am and acceptance of the love between us. It is a platonic love but it is just as strong as any romantic love I could feel and her acceptance and return of that love helped me to have the same thing with others. People say Andrew and I are a lot alike and that may be true. However, I suspect Lynn and I have a lot in common as well and I will never forget the 7 hour talk we had driving to St Catharines from Blind River. We shared a lot that day and our acceptance of each other helped me in many relationships since.

My friend Chris taught me humility. As one of the most talented people I know he could have an overblown ego and people would probably let it pass but that's not him. He uses his talents and is appreciative of praise but he is always striving for better. He is never satisfied with "good enough"and will work very hard to reach where *he* thinks he should be, not where others are satisfied with him. He also showed me that it's OK to love my partner with all I have and to always put the other person ahead of myself. Chris is an amazing human being and I am blessed to know him.

His partner (and my friend) Shelly taught me sacrifice and discovery. Sacrifice in the way she continues to work at a job she hates because she knows it's what she needs to do to allow her and Chris to continue to explore their creative sides. She is not the only one who sacrifices, certainly, but I know how much she wants to get away from where she is and I respect her for handling it so well. Discovery in the way she has worked so hard to stretch her talents and abilities to write more than poetry. She branched out to songs and stories even though she didn't know how to "do it right". She asked for advice and input from those she trusted and loved and broadened her creative horizons. That has led me to do the same with my writing by working on my articulation, wordsmithing and even branching out from songwriting into prose.

My friend Pat taught me Love with a capital "L". Love for others, love for myself, love for my partner, love for music and creativity, love as the most powerful force in the universe. Feeling and experiencing the love Pat always offered made such a difference in me and how I fit in the world. If someone can be held up as a true guru to me, Pat would be the one. I try and follow his loving example every day.

Teri, my partner, has given me all of the above and more. She has given of herself to me openly and honestly on a level I have never experienced before and she makes it safe for me to do the same. I am more in synch with her than I have ever been with anyone else ever. The words "soul mate" get bandied about as a romantic notion but I truly believe I have found that with her. The love and respect that flows from her is exactly what I need and our communication is beyond my dreams. In every relationship I have ever been in, there has always been an element of "settling". There has been a behavior, a belief or a habit that caused me discomfort but I felt that if I could see past that element, I could be happy with a person. Tina came close and I admit to having most of the baggage that contributed to our downfall but with Teri, there is no such thing. We connect on an intellectual, emotional, spiritual and sexual level completely and it is an awesome experience. I wish it for everyone.

Obviously, there are more people and more elements but this entry is in danger of becoming a novel. I will simply say thank you to all mentioned and non-mentioned for all they have given me and continue to give me. I love and respect you all greatly.

Thank you for giving me "me".
Faron

To all of you out there who have sent me emails, called my house or read this blog to find out how I am doing/what is happening with me, etc I say this:

Patience. Christmas will be over soon and then I will have time to breathe. I love you all.

It's 3AM and I'm off to bed.

Peace & Love
Faron

My boy T-Bone came through for a couple VIP tickets for the Theory of a Deadman/Hurst show last weekend and for that, major props to the lad. Tony and I used to be bouncers at Billy Bob's together and when I got there he was just a fresh-faced lad who didn't really know what he was doing. Well-intentioned but sometimes dangerous due to his inexperience, I have watched him grow into the role and now he his head doorman at three different bars. Way to go T.

The show itself was OK. Hurst was good. The front man was congenial and fun interacting with the crowd and playing the Axl Rose card a few times. TOAD (heh) was not so good. No charisma and the interaction with the crowd varied from forced to angry at times. I was not impressed. Oh well, it was well worth the price of admission and Teri and I had a blast.

One other thing of note that night, the guy from this incident was there and he asked me if he saw me at Staind. I looked square at him and said yup. He didn't press it any further but part of me hoped he would. Since I had either worked with or knew very well 80% of the door staff at the bar (about 8 guys) I think he would have been in for a rude awakening indeed. :-)

Teri brought the girls up to the store yesterday. A couple of interesting things happened. 1) When Jaala was told that Teri and Leisha would be coming to my store while she was in school, she threw a tantrum because she wouldn't get to see me. 2) The first time Teri came by with just Leisha, Leisha was kind of shy toward me. Not strongly but not as outgoing as she normally has been. 3) When Teri brought Jaala back with them the second time Jaala wanted to have supper with me and Leisha but no one else was invited (how cute is that) 4) This time Leisha was her normal outgoing self.

The girls still don't know Teri and I are dating but they have really taken to me as a person and a friend. I love that. I think Jaala has a little crush and it's quite cute.

On the work front, still waaay too many hours and waaay too busy to get anything done but the end is in sight. Only 11 more days until Christmas and the end of the chaos. I'm looking forward to it. On another cool Christmas-sy note, Teri is staying with me at Christmas while her girls are with their dad and I have four days off in a row! Awesome-ness abounds.

Gotta check the laundry and have some lunch.

Peace & Love
Faron

As I sit here trying valiantly to postpone the inevitable doing of the dishes, I feel mildly guilty and decide to be constructive and post an update.

Things have been cold here in Alberta's heartland. Fucking cold. Car-won't-start-at 3PM cold. Remind me again what I am doing here? The other night Teri had to come and jump me (which sounds really good in principle) and then my mom jumped me the next afternoon (which sounds like an Oedipal complex in the making or the result of too much inbreeding). I have started plugging the car in whenever it is parked and that has helped so far. I miss the balmy days of 20 below in Ontario. Ah well, good with the bad and all that.

Speaking of Ontario, I have given the address of this thing to some friends and it has been discovered by others so a big shout-out to Andrew, Chris, AJ, Pat, et al who have crossed this frozen tundra of a blog recently (sorry, the cold really is in my head now) I miss and love you all.

Here's a recent pic of me for your giggles



How about one of my dad for comparison?



The shag carpet on his lap is actually his dog Sharla whom he loves and spoils far worse than he ever did me. Not that I'm bitter. OOOH NOOO, not me!

I kid. I love the old guy and get along with him now far better than when I was younger. Amazing what time can do for the heart.

I'm off to watch Fantastic 4 and drool over Jessica Alba. (Hmmm, maybe I can get Teri a blue spandex jumpsuit for Christmas). What, did you think I would do the dishes?

Peace & Love
Faron

Bowing to the pressure and demands, I finally scrape together 5 consecutive minutes to update this thing.

So, how are things, you ask? Lemme tell you.

I'm in the new apartment and I love it. Mostly because it's mine, all mine. I can leave food in the fridge and cupboards and it's magically still there when I go back. Sweet. The bedroom and bathroom are a bit small but I like the kitchen and the living room is frigging huge! My stuff only fills about half of it so I'm not sure what to do with the other half. It has a fireplace and I'm looking forward to sprawling in front of the fire with Teri. Mr romance, that's me.

Work...jeez. What can I say? I'm a retailer at Christmas time so a certain amount of stress is to be expected. However, I seem to always wind up short-staffed at the most inopportune times. Take today for example. I was supposed to be off but had to go in for about 4 hours and fill in for a cashier who hurt herself. While I was there, another cashier called in and quit with no notice. The frustration level rises and all the "serenity now"s I can muster don't seem to help. I am starting a new girl on Monday and I bumped up the hours of my part-timers but I still need to find two more people for the season.

Lots of really cool things happening on the relationship front. Teri and I are still getting along perfectly. I swear, it's freaky how connected we are in every way. I am forever pleasantly surprised when situations arise and we handle them together complementing each other instead of conflicting. It's awesome. We just went through a quite stressful experience which I won't get into detail here as it involves other people but the great thing is how Teri and I worked so very well together to give each other what we each needed to get through it and our relationship not only survived, it thrived.

We still are not "out" to her daughters yet but they have met me 4 times now. The first time was for about 5 minutes on Hallowe'en when the girls were trick-or-treating in the mall. The next time they were in, they actually approached me a little and talked to me and didn't play shy at all. Again, it was only about 3 minutes or so for the entire exchange. The next time, there was a lot more interaction between us and they even ran back to the store to say "thanks" completely on their own when they had left the store and were walking back to the car. Since then, Teri has had them in the mall twice and both times, the girls wanted to stop in and say hi to me. The first time, they told their grandmother that I was "their friend" and they wanted to see me. I wasn't there that time but the next time I was and they invited me for lunch (it was Jaala's idea) with them. They also told their uncle that I was their friend and I was the tallest man in the whole wide world. :-) Leisha wants to come over to my apartment to visit and when Teri (in a bid to downplay our relationship) told her that "we should know him better before we go to his house", Leisha said, "I already know him all the way". I am so blessed. This transition looks like it's going to be effortless.

I've only been to see Mom & Dad once in the last two weeks so I owe them a visit. It's just hard to find a time that I am free when they are home or awake. :-)

I'm off to do my dishes and prepare the house for Teri to come over later.

Peace & Love
Faron